"The fear of violence or the stress involved in preventing it sometimes factors into teachers leaving the profession -- or students from entering it in the first place."
- Amie Baca-Oehlert, president of the Colorado Education Association
On March 1, 2023, the school where I teach fell victim to a fake "SWATTing" call. Our building locked down, and we ended up releasing school in the wake of the call.
It was gut-wrenching. It made me feel afraid and powerless.
It made us imagine a world where the call was real. We had to imagine it was real because it could have been real. Because it has been real in so, so many places. Because when the call came over the intercom system, we all remembered Columbine,
and Sandy Hook,
and Stoneman Douglas,
and Olathe East,
and Robb Elementary,
and Uvalde,
and...
Too many more to list. According to an article in security.org (cited below), there have been over 300 fatal school shootings since the Columbine tragedy. We had to imagine it was real because it could have been, because it has been, real.
This is a little corner of the world we have allowed ourselves, as a society to create. It is having very real impacts on our schools. Teachers are leaving the profession, in part, because of it. It creates a stress load which is incalculable, but very real. It pushes people out of the profession early, it discourages them from entering the profession from the beginning. It terrifies students and parents. It keeps educators awake or wakes us in the middle of nightmares about it.
I wonder how long our society will continue to tolerate the reality of shootings in schools, or even the threat of them.
This is the poem I wrote the next day. It is how I felt. It is how I still feel.
The A.L.I.C.E Poem: After a “Swatting” Call
A- Alert
We are an hour into a 90 minute block, and the announcement comes
“Intruder Alert. Situation Inside”
My mind races- automatic announcement-
It means someone hit the Panic Button-
IT. IS. NOT. A. DRILL.
“This is probably real.”
I think to myself
I say it to my students
All our phones start to go off
Texts, social media notifications, phone calls
Parents calling, texting, messaging
For a brief never ending moment
Chaos
L- Lockdown
I run from my desk to shut my classroom door
“Did I lock it back this morning?
No…I didn’t!”
I frantically try to fish the key into the lock on the outside of my door
If I get the door locked, we are safe
Safer?
I check the hall for random students to “pull in”.
None? Ok.
Slam the Door.
A text from a student in another room:
“Is this real? We have sub…”
“She doesn’t know what to do”
“Yes- it’s real. Tell her to lock down.”
“Nobody leaves”
“Ok, thank you.”
Try to calm my students.
Try to calm myself.
Neither works
We pretend we are fine
We are not fine
I- Inform
Back at my computer, I see the administrative email
Fake shooter call- no danger
Police are sweeping the building
Students tell me 3 kids were shot in the next hallway
Social media tells me the same
Check messages, emails, texts
Social media tells me this is happening in other schools
All across the state
Friends in other schools start messaging:
“It’s happening in our schools, too”
“It’s not real”
“It’s all fake”
I promise the kids it isn’t true
I pray it isn’t true
We settle in for the hour it will take to “clear” the building
Because of a fake call
Because it isn’t real
Why does it feel real?
C- Counter
No real threat
There is no real threat
The police are being thorough-
They’re sweeping the building
“No- stop playing the tik-tok out-loud.”
“No, no one has been shot”
“Don’t make me take your phone.”
“Yes let your parents know you are ok”
While I tell my students these things
I locate the piece of pipe I keep in my room
I keep it for the horrifying possibility I might have to
Counter.
Counter means attack
Counter means hit
Counter means be ready to fight another human being
Counter means physically beat another human being
Another human being who wants to do harm
To my students?
To me?
In my school?
In my classroom?
When my principal unlocks my door
I am holding the pipe…ready?
Counter means…
I don’t know
E- Evacuate
Police finish the “sweep”
We are “released”
We are released,
But we are not relieved
I walk out into the hallway
Police are everywhere
Maintaining an “increased presence” in our building
In riot gear
With side arms
And semi-automatic rifles
All the law enforcement units remain out front
Lights still rolling
Frantic parents line up to pick up students
Students who are safe
Yet afraid
Students who are safe
But don’t feel it
I tell students to go to class
In fact, I yell it in the main hall
“Go to class!”
“Go To Class!”
“GO TO THIRD HOUR!!!”
I yell to move them to class
I yell because I feel rage
I yell to relieve the stress I can’t even feel, anymore
Students gather at my room, crying, hugging
Terrified.
I tell them to go to class
I tell them not to go home
I tell them we are safe
I pick at them for being afraid
I bark at them for wanting to go home
I tell them not to let the terrorists who made these calls win.
I hide my own absolute gut-wrenching fear and pain
Behind a fake bravado
Behind a sense of responsibility
Behind being “the teacher”
I tell them they are ok
I tell them we are ok
And I hate myself for what feels like lying
At lunch- we send them all home
We are not ok
Epilogue
It’s a new day
First block starts like every other day
We pass class to class
We pretend we are ok
We pretend it didn’t happen
We pretend it won’t happen again
We pretend that next time
It won’t be real
**Cited: Aliza Vigderman, Senior, 1-23-2023, "A Timeline of School Shootings Since Columbine," Security.org, https://www.security.org/blog/a-timeline-of-school-shootings-since-columbine/
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